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 I was a young woman about nineteen years old and entering my twenties. Life was just beginning, and I was extremely optimistic. This was also the beginning of my personal relationship with Christ. I was born and raised in the church but there was a need and desire to know Christ personally.

Although I was raised in church, I had no idea that the journey to know Christ personally would be such a struggle. The struggle between the flesh and spirit can be and still is very intense. Most people begin their journey with the expectation that things in life would be easier for them. This is a fallacy.  

This journey would lead me to one of the scriptures that God would and is still currently building my life around. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness “ (2 Cor. 12:9-10). I asked God, “What exactly did sufficient mean?” His answer would come from an unusual source, a visiting minister from another state. One of my former students was performing and invited me to his church. The minister said, “I was ready to cancel and not fly in. You see my brother was murdered last night.” Then he stated, “God said no! You must go and preach God’s grace is sufficient.” He preached this sermon through tears and the words that reverberated in my ears was when he said, “Someone here asked God, ‘What was sufficient?’” He then indicated, “God said sufficiencient is enough, more than enough to take you through.” This man fell to his knees and sobbed. I cried as God not only answered my question, but he also gave me an object lesson. I cried but I also knew, make no mistake, God was taking me through the journey. I call these occurrences God’s special interventions. It is God’s unique way of gaining our attention.  

As I continued this journey, God allowed me to begin a ministry known as God’s Chosen Vessels. They were both a dance group and girls ministry. It was, and still is, an honor to lead such a ministry. We fasted together, prayed together, and held each other up during challenging times. We found that there is strength in numbers.  

Their first dance performance was, “Mercy Lord.” The Lord gave me this inspiration on my way to Fresno. Bishop Jonathan Polk Sr. and Bishop Frederic Wilson Sr. played the song on the road and as I listened to it, I began to see it visually. I saw the young girls performing and interpreting the lyrics. When I returned, I explained it to my father (Bishop Jeffer Wilson Sr.) and asked his permission. He gave me his approval and so the work began. They were more than a dance group. They were a ministry and a labor of love that continues until this day.

This work would help me through times of depression. I would look at so many people getting married and wonder when it would be my time. God would say, “My Grace is sufficient”. The more I worked with them, listened to them, and prayed with them it lessened my feelings of being distraught. His Grace was enough.    

I was determined to hold on. I never imagined that I would be a woman in her late twenties, and now early fifties, not married and with no children. God brought me through incredulous sadness. He showed me the world through a different lens. Hope in God reigns eternal.  

It was because I was single, I was able to work with some of the most beautiful and intelligent women of faith. They love me and I love them dearly. So, yes, His grace is sufficient in this journey. He replaces pain with purpose and hurt with hope.  

As I continued this journey, The Vessels became grown women working in the church with children of their own. This gives me immense joy because they were still standing. Then suddenly my entire world shook. I went to the doctor at the age of 45 and the doctor used the H word (Hysterectomy). My greatest fear had become my reality. I grieved the children I would never give birth to. The pain was torturous. This is an event in my life that I have never really discussed. God carried me through this part of my life. Although I was 45, I still had not given up hope of having at least one child. Thoughts would race through my mind of my sisters and brothers and the births of all my nieces and nephews. Sometimes the mind races so fast until your thoughts feel as they are spinning out of control. The pain of knowing I would never experience the joy of childbirth. I laid on my bed with a pillow full of tears, crying so hard until it hurt to cry. Yet my Savior would softly whisper, “Remember My grace is sufficient, my power is made perfect in your weakness.”  

God held me close as he walked me through this road during my journey. Although painful, God gave beauty for ashes and gladness for my mourning. It was this very surgery that would finance a whispered prayer. My father had a deep desire to see his siblings in Memphis one last time. I asked God if he would provide me with the finance to fulfill this dream. Without providing all the details, this surgery was an avenue to answer a whispered prayer. This surgery brought purpose to my pain. The joy on my dad’s face was irreplaceable. God’s grace is sufficient, even though at times I struggle in this journey. It is his favor that keeps me stable enough to continue forward.  

I have been blessed to become a teacher throughout this journey. I have taught for 27 years. I enjoy it and see it as a ministry. The blessing in all of this is, I have grown students who call me mom. God does not forget you; grace upon grace for he gives children to a woman who never gave birth. Sometimes I think God looks from heaven and smiles. His plans are far greater than anything I could ever imagine.  

My journey is far from over, but he will give me hind’s feet for my high places. I believe there is purpose in my pain, hope in my hurt and strength in my struggle.